Like a masturbating Notre Dame gargoyle,
Like Marty Feldman failing a G-Force test,
Like ‘Terrahawks’ Zelda in Botox Shocker!’
Like a demonic dermatologist’s carpet
Like a scrotum stretched across the Alps
Like a pumpkin carved by Stevie Wonder
Like a Morris dancer in an Exploited gig
Like a toddlers Etch-a-Sketch doodle,
Like a geriatric warthog tripping on LSD.
Like the wind changed and it stayed like this ...
Like a scarecrow’s scattered intestines
Like vowel-less Alphabetty Spaghetti
Like a school janny’s used sick mop
Like an epileptic taxidermist’s waste bin
Like one of Ron Jeremy’s used merkins
Like the base of a half-cut hamster’s cage
Like a cottage thatched with Donald Trump wigs
Like a napalm strike through a Vietnam jungle
Like half-eaten Shredded Wheat dropped on a rug.
Like Lockdown week 12, and every one of yours ...
Like a lapsed WeightWatchers celebratory orgy.
Like a busted carburettor on an old ice cream van.
Like Salmonella impacting a yodeller’s convention
Like a Mitre 5 free kick bursting a wall of piles.
Like a vice tightening around Joe Pasquale’s balls.
Like a growling cacophony of rabid devil dugs
Like E.T. high on crack, totin’ a police bullhorn.
Like a hammered, hiccuping Foghorn Leghorn
Like a morose malfunctioning lovesick SAT-NAV
Like I’ve run out of time and have to say …